Tired of his daily mundane corporate existence, Leon decided to pursue his dream of becoming a superhero. He accepted that his crime-fighting origin was no more mysterious than picking out a post-Halloween costume sale. He struggled for weeks for his muse. Should he choose a specific cause close to his heart or define himself by the evil perpetuated by an arch nemesis? What societal ill must be purged first? Carjackers. Thieves. Coldplay. Bad pizza. Toothpaste boogers. Fran Dresher. Mama’s Family re-runs. There was too much to choose from. The world will soon feel the impact of Leon, as soon as he picks his alter ego.
Leon stormed back to his desk. Seeing the evil unfold before him today pushed him over the edge. He had gone to the breakroom and, once again, someone drank the rest of the pot WITHOUT MAKING ANOTHER ONE! No one deserves to suffer this! The stack of invoices on his desk would have to wait. He spent the rest of the day planning his next moves. Luckily, it was Friday. If the weekend went as planned, he could be changing lives as early as Monday. That night, he worked furiously on his costume. He hoped to have completed it by midnight, but couldn’t quite get the chest logo right. Exhaustion trumped enthusiasm as he reluctantly went to bed. His morning had a slow start. He wanted a cape, but couldn’t get it to flow right. After a few trips to the fabric store, the cape looked just right. Now, all I need is a name.
He finished his costume Sunday night. Everything was ready. He had already called off work. They would just reschedule the Johnson appointment the next day. However, he would still be going to work – but dressed as…oh wait, he needed a name. What should it be? Coffee man? No. Too general. Captain Caffeine? No. Too specific. Brewmaster? No. That sounds like it is beer related. The Brown Bean. Yes. Brown Bean. He would be the Brown Bean. All I need to do is tweak the logo.
He pulled into the lot of his accounting firm. He knew that work wasn’t expecting him to be there. He just hoped that his costume altered his appearance enough to mask his true identity. He would walk into the lobby, announce to the secretary that he was responding to reports of coffee drinkers emptying pots without making more. He hoped to stake-out the area, then catch the culprits red-handed. Today was going to be a good day.
Leon hadn’t put much thought into his dramatic entrance as a crime-fighter. He didn’t want to announce his name, as that might sound pompous. He wanted people to shout out his name as he entered the room, hopefully giving them a sense of well-being simultaneously. He impulsively leaped though the door, nearly knocking over the UPS man coming out and landed with a dramatic pause. However, he did not recognize the secretary. An office temp worker manning the phones dropped her paperwork and demanded to know who he was. Suddenly, he thought he may have underestimated the response to his new mission. The startled secretary picked up the phone, and called 911. The Brown Bean, new to the crime-fighting experience, froze in fear. Listening to the description given to the police, he was rather disappointed as being called ‘some weirdo, dressed in brown with a picture of a turd on his chest.’ The parking lot soon filled with flashing lights and men in blue with drawn weapons.
Policemen with their weapons drawn appeared in a matter of moment. The office temp cowered under the desk, screaming for him not to hurt her. How does one get brand recognition as a superhero? Were are the crowds of on-lookers who know (and love) the Brown Bean for striking down those who finish off the office coffee WITHOUT making another batch!?! Why is that office temp crying?!? Why did the officer put those handcuffs on so tightly?! Is it possible superheros to soil themselves? I guess the brown costume paid off afterall. Anyway. Today will get better. Maybe after they book me, I can call Mom for bail. Until then, I may have to rethink this superhero calling. Maybe I need more money….and a butler…or maybe a cooler car. What would the Brown Bean drive to the scene of the crime?